


Men In Uniform

by bluemooning



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Humor, Implied Relationships, M/M, Making Out, booty shorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:00:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6952009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemooning/pseuds/bluemooning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Karasuno volleyball team accidentally orders a set of female uniforms, they have no choice but to wear them to their upcoming match in the name of team spirit, good sportsmanship, and fanservice.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Booty Shorts

**Author's Note:**

> This has been rotting in my drafts for ages, and sometimes it's nice to just write funny stuff.  
> This first chapter is a little short but it will pick up soon :)

When their captain and fearless leader Sawamura Daichi let out a bloodcurdling scream, they all came running from every corner of the school - Ennoshita from the library, Sugawara from the chemistry lab, and Noya and Tanaka from the girl’s restroom. It must have been a sight, all of these seemingly random boys sprinting down the hallways, and during class to boot. People would be talking about it for days to come, especially considering the reason for Daichi’s despair.

“Why the bloodcurdling scream?” Narita asked. “Didn’t our new uniforms come in?”

“Yeah, but the uniform company….” Daichi said quietly to them, his chest heaving. They were all gathered in the gym in a circle around him, watching the aftershocks of his agony. It was a terrible sight, and yet they couldn’t tear their eyes away; they had to know exactly why this had happened to them, an innocent high school volleyball team in Miyagi Prefecture. “They thought we were the girl’s team,”

His shaking hands fumbled with the cardboard box in front of him. It was already open, but the flaps seemed to keep getting in the way, and it was only after Yamaguchi held them down, that Daichi could manage to pull out the evidence.

“Thanks,” he mumbled weakly, and held up something small and spandex. “Look at this. LOOK AT IT!” He threw the offending article at Tsukishima, who caught it with one hand. The rest of them gathered around him, jostling for a better view.

Tsukishima squinted at them. “Booty shorts,”

“Yes, booty shorts,” said Daichi. His hands were curled into fists, and visibly trembling. He reached into the box and began to toss out more and more of the uniform; there were more pairs of spandex shorts, but the jerseys were sleeveless too, and clearly cut to accentuate a feminine figure. At one point, Kageyama started to weep. It was a pathetic sight, but deep down, they all wanted to do the same.

“Um, can’t we just return them?”

Hinata’s voice, chipper as always, stood out among it all. Everyone turned to look at him, this literal ray of sunshine that was so very dazzling in these dark times.

“I mean,” he said, “They really screwed up, can’t we tell them they made a mistake, and get new ones?”

“Yeah, that’s right!” said Yamaguchi. His smile spread across his face; he and Hinata seemed to be in their own fantasy land right now, a land where uniform companies didn’t screw their customers over.

“You think it’s that easy, dumbass?” Kageyama said sharply. This shut Hinata up real quick, and he sulked, muttering under his breath. “We have a game this Thursday. Even if we put in another order, they wouldn’t be ready in time,”

They all exchanged glances. Surely there could be some way to fix this; surely they wouldn’t have to walk out on the court Thursday night looking barely legal. But as the minutes ticked on, and the moment became more awkward, no one could come up with a solution. They were, as it is called, royally fucked.


	2. Carnage and Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a bit of old fashioned grit, the team manages to cobble together a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way longer than I anticipated and I have no excuses :')

“No!” Sugawara suddenly exclaimed, so that everyone turned to look at him. “We’re better than this. We just have to think of something,”

The team immediately fell into a deep silence. Gears turned in their pubescent minds, desperately trying to think their way out of the situation. At one point, Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up, and he ran to their storage room. But he returned with his head downcast, and with a sobering announcement - their practice jerseys had gone missing, and the others blanched at the news. What sort of cruel deity had decided to bestow this terrible fortune on their innocent team? It was a frightening thought, and with it in mind, they dove back tenfold into brainstorming. Sugawara himself was deep in thought too, but his concentration was cruelly broken by the sound of drooling. He looked up to see their resident dunces deep in a different sort of concentration.

“NISHINOYA! TANAKA! KAGEYAMA! HINATA!” He said, and squarely thunked each of them on the head. “This isn’t the time for jokes!”

Hinata whined, but did not argue. Neither did Kageyama, as he had swiftly slipped back into his very obvious fantasy of what he might consume for his next meal. However, the second years would not break so easily - a fire still burned in their eyes.

“Suga-san, we actually WERE thinking of something,” Noya said proudly.

“We were?” Tanaka frowned, but a kick to his shin had him smiling and laughing once again. “Yeah, we were!”

Noya crossed his arms, and even his little tuft of dyed hair seemed perkier. “We’re gonna ask Kiyoko to alter the uniforms!”

Tanaka was still laughing awkwardly, but upon hearing ‘Kiyoko’, he perked up dramatically. He tore his shirt off and roared to the skies. “KIYOKO!”

“KIYOKO!!”

Grinning, the pair began to shout in unison. “KIYO-” But their outburst was swiftly and cruelly put to a stop, by none other than Kiyoko herself. 

“Alter the uniforms yourself,” She said matter of factly.

“But…” Tears began to well up in Noya’s eyes. “You would do it so well, and they would look so good,”

“They would!” Tanaka was quick to agree. “You’re just that talented, Kiyoko,”

It was too late; she had already left. Noya and Tanaka’s shoulders shook as they imagined what could have been.

“How about,” Suga said gently, “Instead of shoving work onto other people, you guys alter the uniforms?”

The gym became quiet as this possibility was considered. Visions of carnage began to dance in their heads; images of cities engulfed in flame, and chaos for generations to come - and their very own Nishinoya Yuu and Tanaka Ryuunosuke would oversee it all, perched high from atop a trash heap. 

“We can all work on it,” Ennoshita said firmly, and swung his arms around Noya and Tanaka’s necks, trapping them each into headlocks. “Right, guys?” At this, he nodded at Kinoshita and Narita, who eagerly nodded.

“Great,” said Suga with a smile - and everyone’s hearts melted. Goddamn, their vice captain was too pretty for his own good. “As for the shorts, Daichi, Asahi, and I will obtain some...ah...better fitting ones,”

“Yeah, of course!” Asahi beamed.

“That...that’ll work,” Daichi nodded, and crossed his arms across his chest. He seemed to have a fresh air of authority about him, now that the twelve of them weren’t quite as royally fucked anymore. He glanced up at the clock. “Hey, aren’t you all supposed to be in class?”

“But this is anime school,” scoffed Tsukishima. “It doesn’t actually count,”

“Is that so,” said Daichi, staring down the first year. But it wasn’t very effective; Tsukishima’s glasses got in the way, forcing Daichi to reevaluate his life, and also forcing Suga to assume leadership.

“We’ll sort it out more at practice later,” He said, instantly reassuring the team. “But we have to get back to class now,”

Only grumbling a little bit, thanks to Suga’s overwhelming charm, they shuffled back to class. Despite having a plan in place, the possibility of being incredibly embarrassed had not yet fully passed. 

“My parents are coming to the game,” Yamaguchi fretted. “What if we end up having to wear those uniforms?”

“You worry too much,” said Tsukishima, and blushed a little on the inside when his freckled angel beamed brightly. But only on the inside.

“I want a pork bun,” Kageyama said faintly, and inspected his fingernails. “You think the cafeteria’s still open?”

“If it is, I’m getting one first!” said Hinata, and bolted. As Kageyama ran after him, screaming ‘idiot’ and ‘dumbass’, Yamaguchi snickered a bit, and Tsukishima’s blush might or might not have been on the outside.

“Tsukki, are you blushing?”

“No way,”

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi smiled, unaware of the events to befall them all this Thursday afternoon; so innocently unaware, it was almost endearing. 


	3. Miscalculation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The senpais pull through...almost. Meanwhile, their opponents arrive right on time.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, including but not limited to prayer, pleading, and voodoo, Thursday afternoon came much too soon. The team hadn’t really discussed it any more after somewhat sorting it out - or rather, it seemed like no one WANTED to discuss it; no one wanted to dwell on the bitter truth.

“Shouyou,” Hinata’s mom had smiled at him over breakfast that morning, “Natsu and I are going to your game today,”

“I’m gonna see my big brother play!” Natsu had cheered - but the sound only shattered Hinata’s heart more. How could he admit everything to his dear mother, his sweet sister - how could he tell them to not come, to spare their eyes the horror of high school boys in booty shorts?

But of course the upperclassmen would pull through, he had reminded himself - they always did. Dependable both on and off the court, they were people that Hinata would trust with his life, or at least his growth as a volleyball player. They had reassured him with such earnest promises, such deep conviction. Their eyes did not lie.

“We’re gonna crush them!” He had said, egging Natsu on more.

But now, with the moment fresh at hand, the bathroom was starting to seem more and more appealing. Right now, he and the other first years were gathered in a small clump, having long since set up the net and scoreboard. Neither the upperclassmen or the rival team were anywhere to be seen.

“Now that I think about it,” murmured Yamaguchi, “Who are we playing today?”

Crickets chirped in reply.

“I bet they’re strong,” Hinata said eventually, once the window of opportunity had all but disappeared; and yet he had seized it by force anyways. Such determination made Yamaguchi quiver in his loins. “But we’re stronger!”

At that moment, the doors burst open, and the upperclassmen came bearing cardboard boxes. They wore smiles and...their altered uniforms?

“Good news, everyone!” said Daichi with a grin. “We got everything together!” His smoldering eyes challenged anyone who dared defy him; but there was really no need for them. The first years had already descended on the box, and were tearing through it like animals.

“Look, Tsukki!” said Yamaguchi, and pulled out his jersey. Fabric had been added to the sides, and the stitching on the sleeves was top notch. “It’s amazing,”

“It is,” Tsukishima murmured, and made no effort to unfold his jersey.

“It is!” Tanaka echoed. “I actually did your jersey, Yamaguchi. Aren’t I such a good senpai?”

“You’re the best senpai!” said Hinata, beaming from ear to ear. This resulted in a positive feedback loop of Tanaka reveling in compliments, and Hinata passing them out like candy.

“And we got a deal on the shorts,” Suga said proudly.

It seemed that all was well - at least on the surface. As everyone else celebrated, Kageyama stood before the empty box, with his jersey in his grasp. He began to visibly shake.

Suga was the first to notice. “Kageyama, what’s wrong?”

“There…” said Kageyama, “there aren’t any shorts left,”

Silence immediately fell over the team. Cicadas cried in the distance.

“Oh no,” said Asahi, and peered into the box. “But I swore I counted right,”

“Can’t you do anything right, Asahi?” Suga teased his teammate - but the meaning came across completely wrong. Tears began to well up in Asahi’s eyes, and he buried his face in his hands.

“It’s okay!” said Noya, patting Asahi’s back comfortingly. He shot a glare at Suga, but it was only marginally effective. Still, one had to applaud his effort. “Why’d you go and say that for?”

“It was a joke!” Suga said, holding up his hands in surrender. “A joke!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be so joke-y,”

The team might have devolved into fistfighting if Hinata hadn’t raised his hand and spoken up. “I’ll wear the shorts,”

All the other boys became silent, and eyed their own Little Giant with curiosity - exactly what did he mean?

“I mean,” said Hinata. “I’ll wear booty shorts. With Kageyama,”

“Dumbass, you-”

But Hinata cut Kageyama off quickly. “We’re a duo, right? So we gotta do stuff together. And, um,...” His voice trailed off into nothingness. 

Tanaka was the first one to break the silence. “Honestly, Hinata, I would’ve thought you’d be pointing and laughing at Kageyama,”

“I thought so too,” admitted Hinata. “But if Kageyama’s the only of us out there, that’s kinda...I feel sorry for him,”

Kageyama had been silent all this time. But as the rest of the team murmured in sympathy, it seemed like he couldn’t hold in his opinion any more.

“Wait a sec,” he said slowly. “You feel sorry...for me,”

“Yeah! I mean, everyone’s gonna be paying attention to you and your stinky butt, I wanna be in the spotlight too,”

Before Kageyama could pummel Hinata in the ground, Suga clapped his hands. “Then it’s settled,” His sweet smile was like a spell - and when his teammates gazed upon that angelic visage, they could believe that yes, everything would be okay.

“But Suga,” said Daichi, his right eyebrow twitching, “We can’t let them go on the court like that,”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re playing...them,”

Right on cue, the gym doors burst open, and in sauntered Oikawa Tooru, A.K.A the Grand King, Shittykawa, and/or Someone-That-Really-Should-Not-See-Your-First-Years-In-Booty-Shorts. He was followed by the rest of Aobajousai, and as soon as he saw his dear kouhai, his eyes lit up. “Hello, Tobio-chan!”

While the Karasuno team stood completely shocked into silence, a single tear fell from Tsukishima’s eye.


	4. Oikawa's Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The captains have a short meeting, causing Daichi's lifespan to decrease dramatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is becoming much longer than I anticipated...oops

As both teams began their warm up, Daichi could swear that someone from Seijou kept looking over at him - but as soon as he tried to catch them in the act, they pretended like nothing had happened.

“Where are you,” he murmured under his breath. “Show yourself,”

“Where’s who?” Suga glanced over at him.

“Nothing, dear - wait, I mean, it’s nothing,”

Suga went back to his warm up with a cheeky grin on his face. But Daichi had no time to dwell on that - there was a much more pressing matter at hand. He went over to his water bottle and helped himself to a long drink; and he looked over the scene before him. Their entire team was now decked out in their uniforms, for better or for worse. Now that Daichi was on the sidelines looking in, the effect of the booty shorts was even more obvious - every movement that Hinata and Kageyama made only served to accentuate the curve of their asses, the tense muscle of their upper thighs - the way their hips moved in their play and if it was this obvious to Daichi, imagine how it looked to someone with all the wrong intentions.

“Is it just me, or does Oikawa keep looking over here?” said Asahi, joining Daichi on a break. “It’s really unsettling,”

“It is,” agreed Daichi. Now that Asahi had pointed it out, there was no denying it. Oikawa Tooru, master of service aces and seducing high school girls, was looking over at him. 

It seemed like Oikawa was trying to practice his serves, but they were all going out of bounds. Daichi could practically see him perspire from here. But then, right as Daichi let down his guard, that was when Oikawa struck - suddenly abandoning his warm up to head straight for Daichi and Asahi.

“Good luck,” said Asahi, and bolted, leaving Daichi to fend for himself.

It all happened so fast. Before Daichi could react, Oikawa was already up in his face, pouting something fierce. “Sawamura,” he said, accenting each syllable. “About Tobio-chan, and  Chibi-chan,”

“Yes, our problem children,” said Daichi. “What about them?”

Oikawa gestured wildly at the pair, who had just pulled off a perfect quick. “They...they’re wearing booty shorts,”

“They are,” Daichi nodded. But when Oikawa didn’t have a comeback at hand, the silence hung heavy between the two captains. It was too much for Daichi to take, and before he could regret it, his mouth did all the talking. “We had, ah, a bit of a mishap with our uniforms. That’s why they’re in, um, those, uh, -”

“Booty shorts,”

“Yeah, those things,” Daichi could feel his cheeks reddening. But he pushed bravely on. He had already dug himself this deep into a hole; he might as well shoot for the other end of the planet. “But you know, I don’t think they really mind,”

“Do they,” Oikawa murmured lowly. A devious gleam came over his face, and it arrested Daichi thoroughly. “Say, Sawamura, you wouldn’t have any extra pairs, would you?”

“E-extras?”

“Extras,” Oikawa said firmly. “You see, I can’t have my precious kouhai hogging the spotlight with that little squirt,”

“Can’t you?” Daichi’s voice was going high, he knew. If he hadn’t been aware of it, he might have sounded dangerously like he was begging. He cleared his throat and gave himself a little pep talk. He was the captain of the Karasuno boy’s volleyball team; he was the pillar his teammates all depended on. With his self confidence renewed, he met Oikawa’s eyes with a steely gaze of his own. “Why would I let you borrow a pair?”

“Oh, Sawamura,” Oikawa clicked his tongue. “It’s not fair that only your team has to wear them, right?” He had barely moved, but somehow, it felt like he had advanced even more upon Daichi. His presence was utterly overwhelming, and each one of his words were dangerously potent. “I just want to even the playing field. Don’t you think your freak duo feels a little too freaky?” 

“I really don’t think - “ Daichi tried to defend himself, but Oikawa cut him off.

“C’mon, Sawamura,” He said lowly, with something brewing darkly in his eyes. “I’ll wash them and get them back to you by next Monday,”

Daichi had been feeling uneasy all this time, but then his heart skipped a beat. He allowed himself to indulge in a small fantasy - in it, his teammates always washed their uniforms after games. They would never smell like week-old sweat; they would be formidable from the start.

“...okay,” he finally said, and headed over to a corner of the gym, just a normal corner - with a perfectly innocent cardboard box sitting there. He opened it roughly, and after rifling through it, selected a pair at random.

Oikawa took it from Daichi’s hands and examined it closely. “Perfect!” He grinned, and his smile sent a fresh shudder through Daichi - but it was too late to go back now. “See you on the court,” He left whistling, and the sound only further cemented Daichi’s worry.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Daichi’s heart nearly stopped. He lost control of his balance, and toppled to the floor. His cheeks were ten different shades of red. “Suga?!? What - what did you say?”

“I said, what’s wrong?” said Suga, eyes wide and beauty mark as pure as ever.

“Nothing, of course!” Daichi smiled. But it was useless - Suga was too observant. He had already looked deep into Daichi’s heart - he had already seen the most sacred secrets that Daichi held close. He also seemed to be checking out Daichi’s thighs, but before he could be caught in the act, he blinked - and the moment was broken.

“Of course,” He echoed Daichi, and looked over at the volleyball players. More of the Seijou players had noticed Hinata and Kageyama’s attire, and were now whispering amongst themselves. In addition, their vice captain also seemed to be upset. When Suga cocked his ear to listen, he could hear snippets that sounded like ‘Shittykawa’, ‘where is he’, and ‘I’ll kill that bastard’. 

“You know where their captain went?” He asked Daichi innocently.

“Just, uh, to the bathroom,”

“Aww, is he scared?” Suga giggled, and Daichi couldn’t help but laugh along. It might very well be the last time he could relax for the rest of the day, and he wanted to milk it for all it was worth.

“Yeah, definitely,” he smiled big. But he couldn’t fool himself. His heart was beating something ferocious, and the more he watched the others, he couldn’t help but feel absolute, grade A, free range, organic, pure second hand embarrassment. 


	5. Lights, Camera, Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The practice match begins; Daichi's thighs save a life; the meme team cause Iwaizumi's lifespan to decrease dramatically.

It was strangely calm now, here in their team huddle. Daichi took a deep breath, and then another. It was quiet among them all - they were all waiting on him.

“Okay,” he finally said. “Let’s do this,”

“Let’s kick their asses!” said Suga, smirking. Sometimes Daichi had to wonder - did Suga know what he was doing? Sure, he knew what he was doing, but did he _know_? Something tightened in Daichi’s gut, creating an itch that could not be scratched until 2 in the morning, alone in his bedroom. He shook his head. Now was not the time or place for such folly.

“One, two, three,” He counted off, and the team readied their voices.

“Karasuno, fight!”

They broke, and jogged out onto the court. Daichi went out to the net to meet Oikawa, and they shook hands firmly.

“Good luck,” said Oikawa, with a smile as innocent as anything.

“Good - good luck,” Daichi said hastily, trying hard not to notice Oikawa’s new clothes. But it was basically impossible. Those shorts might have been dangerously skimpy on Hinata and Kageyama, but they were only first years - they didn’t have a physique like Oikawa’s. And with a body like his, the short’s effect was exponentially magnified. Even the people up in the stands could notice.

“Hey, aren’t Oikawa’s shorts kinda...hot?” A girl from Daichi’s class whisper-shouted.

“They’re so hot,” Her friend whisper-shouted back. “He’s so hot,” She sighed passionately, and both girls began to gush over him.

Meanwhile, the shorts were having an entirely different effect on Hinata’s mom. Being the diligent mother she was, she had picked out her precious Shouyou on the court within moments. And though she wanted so desperately to cheer for her son, the words wouldn’t come out. Something had seized control of her nerves, leaving her a vegetable.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Natsu cried, and tried to shake sense into her mother. Poor, innocent Natsu had been too worried about her mother, and so had not looked for her brother yet.

“Shouyou...he…” When her mother pointed a shaking finger out to the court, Natsu’s gaze followed it - and then she saw the light.

“Nii-chan!” She cheered and waved. “You look cute!”

As Hinata turned ten different shades of red, Tanaka sighed. “I wish a girl would call me cute…”

“Tanaka-san, please…” Hinata moaned, looking like he needed another trip to the restroom. But the sound of a whistle cut through his mind, and within seconds, he was in game mode. Seijou had won the first serve, and as Oikawa tossed the ball high in the air, all of Karasuno’s starters instinctively tensed up. Daichi squatted down a bit further.

“Mom, look,” Natsu prodded her mother, “Look at him,”

She blinked wearily, and let her daughter direct her attention to a strapping young fellow - a boy - nay, a man - with a dark crew cut, a steadfast attitude, and the most amazing thighs.

“Oh my,” she marveled at the sight, and just like that, the spell was broken. With a renewed sense of hope, she settled into the bleachers and got ready to enjoy a friendly game of high school boy’s volleyball.

“GOT IT!” Noya screamed, receiving the serve perfectly. It hit his arms hard, and he winced at the impact. But it was a small price to pay for looking cool.

As the ball soared through the air, Kageyama prepared to set it to...Asahi-san? Daichi-san? Possibly Tanaka-san?

“TOSS TO ME!” Hinata screeched, running up to the net. The ball was falling faster and faster now - Kageyama had to make a choice.

“DIE!” Tanaka roared a moment later, and spiked the ball right inside the boundary line. As the ever-dutiful score keepers added a point to Karasuno’s tally, the team rejoiced.

“BAKAGEYAMA!” Hinata snarled. “I was wide open!”

“There were two blockers on that side,” Kageyama said evenly. “Also, your shorts are riding up,”

As he went back into position, Hinata took the opportunity to examine the shorts situation. They were actually very comfortable, and felt like a second skin. But dammit, Kageyama was right. Part of his butt cheek was showing, and when he moved more, the cloth firmly wedged itself into his ass crack. He picked it out quickly, pretending like it didn’t happen.

“Nii-chan picked a wedgie!” Natsu said shrilly - how was her voice so loud? His face burning, Hinata got back into position too, and tried to shake it off.

As the game went on, it was quickly becoming obvious that they were evenly matched. For every point Karasuno would score, Seijou would too. In any other situation, it would have been nerve-wracking - but somehow, an entirely different thing was on everyone’s minds.

“Hey, Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa said during their first timeout. “You noticed Oikawa yet?”

“No,” Iwaizumi lied.

“Oh, he definitely noticed,” Hanamaki grinned, and slung an arm around his vice captain’s shoulders. “You noticed,”

“Definitely,”

“How could I _not_ notice?” Iwaizumi shook Hanamaki off, and took another drink of water. He wiped the sweat from his brow, but it came back just as quickly. “That dumbass, what’s he think he’s doing? He was perfectly fine in our uniform, but he had to go to Sawamura, and get - get - THOSE,”

Matsukawa whistled lowly. “What are _those_ ,”

“Damn Oikawa, back at it again with the booty shorts,”

“DAMN, SON,”

“Shut up,” Iwaizumi moaned, and buried his head in his hands, like that would help anything.

“Iwa-chan, what’s wrong?” said Oikawa, sidling up to him. He was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and as he drank from his water bottle, his entire body seemed to move like a mechanical object. When he raised his arm, it made his shirt lift up, revealing a sliver of skin - and when he shifted his weight, the lean muscle in his hips and thighs contracted something sinful.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he lied again. He could feel Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s gazes boring into him, but he was completely past caring. He took another drink of water and wiped the excess from his mouth. “Let’s kick their asses,”

Both teams assembled on the court, and began their long rally once again. Neither side was willing to concede victory, and when Daichi looked at the scoreboard, it read an even 24-24. He looked over their positions, and what their next rotation would be.

“Coach!” He called out to Ukai, who was already one step ahead. Yamaguchi was already standing with a placard in hand - with the number 10 printed on it.

“Oh. It’s that guy,” Oikawa scrunched his nose up, watching Karasuno’s number 12 head out on the court. He fell into a deep squat, right in front of Iwaizumi, whose mind was going into overdrive. First of all, who the hell did Shittykawa think he was? Didn’t he have any sense of self awareness? Did he have any idea what those booty shorts were doing to his teammates - namely, his vice captain?

But with the whistle, their pinch server lobbed the ball upwards, and did a short run up. He smacked the ball with his palm, and as it wobbled over the net, Matsukawa got ready to receive it.

“Oops,”

“It’s alright,” said Oikawa, but there was a tinge of uncertainty in his voice. Nevertheless, he smiled and clapped Matsukawa on the back. “It’ll be okay,”

Iwaizumi wasn’t so sure about that. The sight of his captain in booty shorts was doing a lot of not-okay things to him - it had been, all this time. There was a limit to how pent up he could be, and though he had never tried to push that limit, it had happened anyways. And when Karasuno landed another service ace, right in front of their very eyes, Iwaizumi’s blood ran hot in his veins and coursed something savage through his body.

It wasn’t just that they had lost the set. He had experienced loss before, and though he knew the pain, this was a whole new animal. He returned with the others to the bench, drinking more water and resting up. Iwaizumi panted hard and tried to ignore the pounding in his chest. When he closed his eyes, a vision of Oikawa in those damned booty shorts filled his mind and wouldn’t go away.

“Goddammit,” he hissed, and punched his water bottle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for the next chapter B)  
> Comments are greatly appreciated! They also increase my motivation to update ;)


	6. Gratuitous Makeout Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's ass gets some Tender Loving Care; a boy tears his captain to bits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how there is an 'implied relationships' tag? This chapter basically un-implies one of the relationships :')

“Kageyama, there’s something on your - right there - “

Kageyama craned his neck back to where Hinata was pointing. But the offending area seemed to be in a blind spot. “Where?”

“Here,” Hinata brushed a stray piece of fluff off of Kageyama’s ass. His hand had lingered a second longer than necessary, and upon realizing this, his cheeks flushed pink. Thankfully, it went unnoticed, and he snickered away the embarrassment. “You blind or something?”

“Shut up!” said Kageyama, and stalked away. Hinata sighed quietly - he hated to see Kageyama go, but he loved to watch him leave.

“What’cha lookin’ at?” Tanaka’s voice cut into Hinata’s fantasy.

“N-n-nothing!” He lied, but his senpai could see right through him.

“Don’t lie to us,” said Noya, who had just joined them. He craned his short neck in order to pay closer attention to Kageyama. “What a happy accident,” He sighed blissfully. “Though I kinda wish it had happened to Asahi…”

“What happened to me?”

“Nothing,” Noya lied with a ear-to-ear smile. This was enough to soothe Asahi, at least for now. He left, allowing Noya to exercise his full power as senpai.

“Listen to me, Shouyou,” He said, clapping Hinata on the back. “You better watch out,”

Hinata’s eyes were wide with innocence. “Watch out for what?”

Noya sighed heavily. “Rival teams...you gotta be careful around them. Let down your guard for one second, and they’ll eat you alive,”

“Well, yeah, so I’ll eat them first!”

“That’s the spirit!” cheered Noya. He, Hinata, and Tanaka proceeded to cheer at each other for the next few minutes, blissfully unaware of events transpiring just across the gym.

However, this was not the case for everyone.

“Oi, Iwaizumi,” said Hanamaki, poking his vice captain repeatedly in the shoulder, “Look over there,”

Iwaizumi punched his water bottle one last time, and looked in the direction of Hanamaki’s finger. Oikawa was standing in a dark corner with Karasuno’s #9, Kageyama - and they were talking. Talking? It was impossible to hear them from here. But what else could it be? He couldn’t help but notice that both of them were wearing booty shorts. What exactly was going on there?

He got to his feet, and was about to give them a piece of his mind - but then with a short cracking sound, Oikawa had slapped Kageyama’s rear.

“Oh shit,” Matsukawa murmured.

Oikawa finished his conversation with Kageyama, and came sauntering over as sweetly as anything. He seemed to be walking on a cloud - he didn’t even see it coming, when Iwaizumi grabbed him by the collar and nearly dragged him out of the gym.

“Hey,” Hanamaki called after them. “The next set’s starting soon!”

“Tell Coach we’ll be back soon,” Iwaizumi yelled out, and then both he and Oikawa were gone.

The school building was quiet now - all the other club activities had long since come to a close. The hallways were dim with afternoon sunlight, casting long shadows on the tiled floor. In contrast, they were literally crashing along, Oikawa caught up in Iwaizumi’s fervor for reasons he had yet to fully understand.

Iwaizumi pulled them into the boy’s restroom. He picked a stall at random and pushed Oikawa in first - and he locked the door behind them, his body the barrier between Oikawa and freedom.

“Iwa-chan,” said Oikawa, and tried to take a step back. He almost tripped over the toilet, but he caught himself just in time, his palms pressed up against the tiled wall, pushing his chest forward. His abdominal muscles clenched up with his arched back - the stall was already cramped to begin with, and having both of them in here just made it seem even smaller. “What’s the matter?”

“What’s the matter,” Iwaizumi echoed him. “You’re asking me what’s the matter,”

“Well, yeah, I am,”

“You idiot,” Iwaizumi hissed, and then he was leaning over Oikawa, heat radiating from his body. He panted hard and his hands found a home on Oikawa’s hips - massaging the fabric of the shorts, his fingers groping the muscle beneath with an intensity that made Oikawa shiver. His clammy palms slipped from their position, threatening to make him fall - but Iwaizumi caught him just in time, swooping him off of his feet.

“Idiot?” Oikawa gasped, his heart racing. “Me, an idiot?” He smiled widely, pretending like he wasn’t being carried bridal style by his vice captain. “No way,”

“Oikawa, you…” said Iwaizumi, and let Oikawa down all at once. But he was still unsteady on his feet - it took a moment before he straightened up to his full height - and yet Iwaizumi’s presence still loomed over him. How exactly did he do that? “You’re an idiot, I swear - what did you think you were doing, with Kageyama,”

“Tobio-chan?” Oikawa laughed haltingly. “We were just having a talk,”

“A talk,” Iwaizumi repeated. “Just a talk?”

Oikawa seemed to shrink under Iwaizumi’s probing stare. It was the best, and worst, kind of lie detector. “Okay, I might have...slapped his ass. But I mean, he was wearing those shorts - I couldn’t help myself,”

In a flash, Iwaizumi had advanced even more upon him. His voice came in a potent growl. “Is that it,” He gazed over Oikawa’s trembling body for a long moment - and then he broke. “Oikawa, you don’t even know…you don’t know what you do, to me,”

“W-what’s that?” Oikawa said breathlessly - in this confined space, there was nowhere to hide. He let out a high whine as Iwaizumi began to savage his neck, biting and sucking on the tender skin without mercy.

“Those...the shorts,” said Iwaizumi, in between the way his teeth scraped and in the moments he came up for air. “You dumbass, did you even think...or use your brain...seeing you wear those, it makes me…”

“Horny?”

That earned him the hardest bite yet, breaking the surface of his skin. The scent of blood filled the space around them, and Iwaizumi lapped it up from the wound, dragging out the act - his tongue rough and warm all at once. When he finally broke away, their two flushed faces locked eyes and wouldn’t let go.

“You knew this,” Iwaizumi said quietly. He licked the blood from his lips and panted more. “You wanted to work me up. You wanted to be a tease,”

Oikawa shrugged helplessly at this accusation. He smiled gently even as his shoulders quaked and his belly felt weaker. “Is that what you think, Iwa-chan?”

“You tell me,”

“I think…” Oikawa dragged the words out, “You might be on to something. But only a little! You see, Iwa-chan, not everything is about you. It was because of Karasuno - they started it - with Tobio-chan, and Chibi-chan - I couldn’t let them just - “

His voice had begun so confidently, but when Iwaizumi began his attack with fresh vigor - his palms sliding under Oikawa’s jersey, feeling up the lean muscle of his chest - taking his sensitive nipples and rolling the pliant nubs between rough fingertips - it shook Oikawa’s composure and made it a thing of the past. His mouth gaped open and his argument had all but vanished into nothingness - instead, he gasped and whined and made small cries into the heavy air.

“Shut up already,” growled Iwaizumi, and shut Oikawa up for good with his own mouth, wet and hot and still smelling faintly of blood - _his_ blood - that metallic iron taste that made Oikawa’s brow scrunch up. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the sensation of touch consume his body - Iwaizumi, his vice captain, Iwa-chan - he gripped onto Oikawa’s body tight and his hands were still hovering over his chest, working his nipples until they peaked hard - and then it hurt when they rubbed against his jersey, they were so on edge - he was at his breaking point, too - and Iwaizumi wouldn’t let him forget it, not for a second.

“Iwa-chan,” he gasped, coming up for air. He opened his bleary eyes, wet with tears - since when had they been there? - and he panted more. He shuddered under Iwaizumi’s arms and took deep breaths, in and out, out and in, until the world became a bit clearer.

Wait - was Iwa-chan crying too? Oikawa squinted and looked closer in the silence. Iwaizumi’s face was slick with wetness and it could have just been sweat. Despite everything, his eyes were alarmingly sharp - he was leading this dance, deciding the tempo - until the song ended, he was in charge of Oikawa’s movements, coaxing out the reaction out that he saw fit.

Maybe, thought Oikawa, he ought to wear these shorts more often.

“Hey, Iwa-chan,” he said casually, or as casually as he could manage in his wrecked state, “These shorts...they’re good, right?”

“Good,” murmured Iwaizumi, “Right,”

And with that, they went right back for round two.


	7. Good Luck Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwaizumi return; the match is decided.

Meanwhile, an uneasy feeling was settling over the gym. Both spectators and players alike grew anxious over the current situation, of which could be divided into two main issues: one, the ever-magnetic allure of Hinata and Kageyama’s booty shorts, and two, the absence of Seijou’s captain and ace.

“It’s been a while,” murmured Suga. “Aren’t we gonna start soon?”

“They don’t want to start without Oikawa and Iwaizumi,” said Daichi, motioning over at the Seijou players who remained. Their coach was currently berating them, though it seemed to be in vain. 

“Well, I don’t want to be here all day,” huffed Suga. “I have things to see, and people to do,”

Daichi dropped his water bottle. “W-what was that?”

“What was what?”

He smiled placidly at Daichi, and bent over to pick up the bottle - taking his time, bending at the waist, rolling his body back up in one smooth and long motion. He gave it back to Daichi, who almost dropped it a second time. Thankfully, he just barely managed to save it.

With a whistle and some frenzied yelling, Ukai gathered up the Karasuno team. He sighed deeply, and the boys exchanged glances - what news was he about to deliver?

“They can’t find Oikawa and Iwaizumi,” he said, “so we’re just gonna continue with the game,”

“Really?” Hinata whined. “But I haven’t shown off my new move yet!” At this, he posed dramatically. It made the curve of his ass cheeks that much more obvious, thought Kageyama. Couldn’t the others see it too?

“You can show it off in the next set, dumbass,” he scoffed, trying to distract himself. But it wasn’t very effective. The more he tried to not think about it, the more it was on his mind - that is, those damned shorts, hugging Hinata’s booty like it was their divine purpose.

Hinata frowned. “Shut up, Kageyama,”

“Make me,”

“Alright, you guys can resolve your sexual tension after this set,” Suga said firmly, but cheerily - it was extremely effective, and the pair cast one last shitty look at each other, before walking away with confident strides. Neither would yield - or if they did, it was only because Suga asked them to. And really, who would ever dare to disobey Suga? He was the glue that bound the team together, and his very presence felt like a blessing. This, Daichi knew.

“Daichi-san, are you thinking funny things again?”

“Of course not,” said Daichi, and slapped himself in the face.

* * *

 

“Goddammit,” Iwaizumi hissed. He smoothed down his jersey and brushed away the last droplets of Oikawa’s cum from his face. “Next time, give me a warning!”

“But I love surprising you,” winked Oikawa. He rumpled up Iwaizumi’s freshly-smoothed jersey and just barely avoided the consequential headbutt. As they continued down the hallway, the words 'next time' echoed in Oikawa's mind - and they made him feel warm inside.

Iwaizumi sighed heavily. As they approached the gym doors, he turned to look at Oikawa. "Okay, what are we gonna say to them?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," said Iwaizumi, "We've been gone for half an hour, they're gonna ask questions,"

The sight of Oikawa's dazzling smile made him feel weak inside. "Don't you worry your head, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said smoothly, "I'll do all the talking,"

Against his better judgement, Iwaizumi nodded. He pushed the gym doors open. 

The scene before them was almost a slaughterhouse - but not quite. Aobajousai was holding their own, and their plays were all polished, they were a strong team - so then, how was Karasuno ten points ahead, and at their match point to boot?

"BWAHH!" screamed Hinata as he slammed the ball into the ground. With that, the game was decided - today, it was Karasuno's victory.

As they began to rejoice, the losers seemed to deflate in their place. Matsukawa's sentient eyebrows twitched, alerting him - and he turned to see Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

"Where..." he panted, "where were you guys?"

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa a pointed look. "About that," Oikawa said, and laughed awkwardly. "About that..." His big dark eyes flashed at Iwaizumi, pleading for help.

"We were...preoccupied,"

"Well, all of you are gonna be 'preoccupied' at tomorrow's practice," their coach hissed. The team shrunk back in fear - except for two members.

"Hey," Hanamaki jabbed Matsukawa in the rib, "Don't you think they look...kinda...happy?"

"Happy?" Matsukawa glanced over at their captain and his ace. He squinted at their small smiles and knowing glances. "Yeah, you're right," He and Hanamaki shared a furtive grin of their own. This information might prove useful for blackmail. It was best to lie low for now.

Meanwhile, the victors continued to celebrate. 

“WE WON!” screamed Noya, and chest-bumped Tanaka.

“Tsukki, we won!” Yamaguchi beamed, and Tsukishima couldn’t help but smile - this time, on the outside.

“We won!” yelled Suga, and the third years went in for a group hug. However, the hug’s dynamics were quickly changing. Within moments, Asahi was cruelly pushed away, leaving Daichi and his vice captain to do as they pleased - and the pleasure was real. Asahi wiped a tear from his eye as he watched them kiss passionately.

“Oh captain, my captain,” He sighed, and smiled.

“These shorts…” Hinata said off to the side, and patted his perky booty, “We won with these shorts,”

He and Kageyama shared a fateful glance. 

“Do you - “

“We could - “

“They’re lucky,” They said in tandem.

The other Karasuno members looked over; Daichi and Suga stopped making out. 

“Lucky shorts?” Tanaka assumed the Thinker pose.

“Lucky booty shorts!” Noya cheered, and slapped his kouhai hard on their asses. “Why not?”

“Noya-senpai, that stings,” complained Hinata - but he was smiling, and he was so radiant, his attitude was wholly infectious and Karasuno had caught the fever bad. They cheered all the way to the convenience store, where they proceeded to buy every single meat bun - and truly, all was well in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY FINISHED THIS DUMB FIC!!! HALLELUJAH  
> i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it B)  
> Comments are always appreciated!


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